A good marriage starts with good conversations. In many South Asian and Gulf families, introductions are arranged by elders, but the questions below help both families and the couple make a confident, informed decision.
Quick facts
- Use this checklist after the first introduction and before the engagement.
- Ask questions politely and in the presence of family.
- Write down important agreements, and include key conditions in the Nikah Nama or marriage contract.
Values and faith
- How important is religious practice in daily life for each of you?
- What values do you want to teach your future children?
- How do you handle disagreements in your family today?
Education and career
- Does either of you plan further studies?
- Will both partners work after marriage? Is anyone expected to stop working?
- Is moving to another city or abroad, for example to Dubai or Saudi Arabia, part of the plan?
Money matters
- What is each person’s income and are there any loans or debts?
- How will household expenses and savings be managed?
- What will the wedding budget be, and who pays for what? Agree that there will be no dowry demands.
- What is the agreed haq mehr or mahr, and when will it be paid?
Living arrangements
- Will the couple live with the joint family or separately?
- Who will help with household work and, later, childcare?
- How often will the couple visit each other’s families?
Health
- Have both partners taken a thalassemia carrier test? In Saudi Arabia and for UAE citizens, premarital screening is compulsory; in Pakistan and India it is strongly recommended.
- Are there any long-term medical conditions the other family should know about?
- How do you both feel about family planning?
Background checks the respectful way
- Meet the family at home more than once.
- Speak to mutual relatives, neighbours or colleagues you trust.
- Verify the job and education where possible, especially for proposals from abroad.
- Be careful of anyone who asks for money. Read our scam warning guide.
Legal documents
- Check that both partners meet the minimum legal age in your country.
- Prepare ID cards, photographs and any divorce or death certificates if needed.
- Plan registration: Union Council and NADRA in Pakistan, the Marriage Registrar in India, family courts in the UAE, and the Ministry of Justice in Saudi Arabia.
Most important: consent
Ask the girl and the boy separately whether they are happy with the match. Their honest yes is the strongest foundation any family can give.
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